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10 Things You Need To Do If Divorce Is Imminent
- Consult An Attorney
- Copy Documents
- Inventory Household and Family
Possessions
- Know the Household Budget and
Expenses
- Determine How to Manage the
Family Debt
- Find Out Exactly What Your Spouse
Earns
- Make a Realistic Appraisal
of Your Earning Potential
- Examine Your Own Credit History
- Build a “Nest Egg”
of Your Own
- Put Your Kids at the Top of
Your Agenda
Becoming informed about your legal rights and responsibilities
is the most crucial step in the divorce process. An experienced
divorce attorney will be able to counsel you on the law as it applies
to the facts of your situation and advise you on the best way to
proceed (or not proceed.) One example is illustrative. You and your
spouse are constantly fighting and the arguments are causing great
distress to your children. Your spouse refuses to move out. You
decide to take the children and live at your parents’ house
until the divorce is final, at which time you will move back to
the marital home. From a legal point of view, moving to your parents’
home, even temporarily, could be a huge mistake. This is just one
of the many things a divorce attorney will discuss with you during
a consultation.
A little planning goes a long way in this area because it is much
more difficult to obtain these documents through discovery procedures
at a later date. Go through the household files and make copies
of everything you can find: tax returns, bank statements, check
registers, investment statements, retirement account statements,
employee benefits handbooks, life insurance policies, mortgage documents,
financial statements, credit card statements, wills, social security
statements, automobile titles, Etc. If your spouse is self-employed,
it is important to get as much information about the finances of
the business as possible. If you are unaware of the family finances
and haven’t yet discussed your plans for divorce, the best
source of information may be your spouse. Suggest that you and your
spouse do a financial statement so that you are both aware of the
family finances. Don’t forget to check the home computer as
a source of financial information. Many people keep track of their
finances using spreadsheets or budgeting software. Make copies of
any financial data stored on your home computer.
| 3. Inventory Household and Family Possessions |
You need not make an exhaustive list including every
single kitchen utensil, but do list the major items: furniture,
artwork, jewelry, appliances, automobiles, etc. Don’t forget
to check the storage areas of your home and your safe deposit box
for valuables.
| 4. Know the Household Budget and Expenses |
If possible, go through your check register for the past year and
write down the cost of each utility, mortgage and other household
expense for each month. Keep track of the cash you spend on a daily
basis so that you’ll be able to ascertain your monthly cash
expenditures also. Knowledge of your household expenses is important
at the beginning of the case, when temporary support is often an
issue. It is also important during settlement of the case, when
you will make a realistic appraisal of your ability to afford the
home after divorce.
| 5. Determine How to Manage the Family
Debt |
If possible, sit down and determine the amount of
family debt and consider paying it down before divorce. Allocation
of marital debt among divorcing spouses is one of the most difficult
items to negotiate. The funds that were formerly available to support
one household must now support two households and there is less
money available to pay off debt. If you have the leisure of planning
when you will initiate divorce proceedings, pay down marital debt
before filing for divorce. Consider canceling credit cards if your
spouse has a bad spending habit. This will, hopefully, minimize
the financial damage that your spouse can do during the divorce.
While taking stock of debt, determine whether any of the debt was
incurred by one spouse or another prior to the date of marriage.
This would be considered “non-marital debt” and it belongs
to the spouse who incurred it.
| 6. Find Out Exactly What Your Spouse
Earns |
If your spouse earns a regular salary, it is easy
to look at a pay stub to determine his/her income. However, if your
spouse is self-employed, owns a business or gets paid any portion
of his/her income in cash, it is much more difficult to determine
his/her income. If your spouse has a business partner, you may be
able to learn how the partners are paid during a casual conversation
with the partner. If your spouse is self-employed or gets paid in
cash, keep track of the money flowing in for several months.
| 7. Make a Realistic Appraisal of Your
Earning Potential |
Perhaps you have been out of the workforce for a while
and have been devoting yourself to childrearing. Assess what your
current employability is and whether furthering your education prior
to divorce would benefit you in the long run. Perhaps your current
job requires extensive travel and your spouse is the one who looks
after the children while you are traveling. Is it realistic for
you to continue to travel after divorce when you won’t have
a spouse to provide childcare? If additional childcare will be necessary
after divorce, explore what types of childcare are available in
your area and what the costs are.
| 8. Examine Your Own Credit History |
If you do not have credit cards in your own name,
apply for them now, use them and establish your own credit history.
If you have a poor credit history, try to pay creditors now and
improve your own credit rating prior to divorce.
| 9. Build a "Nest Egg" of Your
Own |
Even if divorce is a remote possibility, you should
always have access to money of your own. If your spouse moves out
and stops paying bills, you will need to pay them until temporary
support orders can be entered. If you are the one who is going to
file for divorce, you’ll need money for a retainer. If you
envision moving out of the marital home, you may need money for
a security deposit and for household items. Start saving now and
plan to initiate divorce proceedings when you have built up a nest
egg of your own.
| 10. Put Your Kids at the Top of Your
Agenda |
As you realize that a divorce is imminent, you will
undoubtedly spend lots of time researching, collecting documents,
interviewing attorneys, etc. Even though these activities take up
much of your time, you must remember to put your children first.
Of all of the parties to a divorce, children are the ones who often
suffer the most. During the divorce process, keep your children’s
routines as normal as possible. If you and your spouse are arguing
in front of the children – stop. If you and your spouse cannot
be together with the children without arguing, create a schedule
of separate times for each of you to be with the children. Stay
involved (or become involved) in your children’s school, sports
and social activities. Do not badmouth your spouse to your children.
Do not use the children as your source of psychological support.
Children need and deserve the love and attention of both of their
parents before, during and after divorce. Put your children first
in your life.
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